A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
