i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
