i love accidental penises.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
