That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
