but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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