I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
