i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
