I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
