I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
