a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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