smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
