Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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