God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize