I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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