So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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