new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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