Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
