enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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