You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
