I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
