Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize