I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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