dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
