What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
