i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
