what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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