So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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