She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
