Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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