kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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