she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
