i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
