WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
