remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
