Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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