I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
