my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
