i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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