fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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