Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
