You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
