paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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