she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
