Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
