How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
