So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
