i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
