Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
