Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
