i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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