Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
