I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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