I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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