Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
