i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize