My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
