I wish I could teleport
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
