i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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