the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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