What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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