Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
