I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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