I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
