he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
